We have some very unexpected news to share...
Surprised! Unanticipated! Thrilled!
*Pictures that didn't "make the cut" as we worked on a special way to tell our family and friends:
We have some very unexpected news to share...Surprised! Unanticipated! Thrilled! *Pictures that didn't "make the cut" as we worked on a special way to tell our family and friends: "Every good and perfect gift is from above..."
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"No matter how smoothly an intercountry adoption seems to be proceeding, there will be some delays. It is inevitable – not a matter of if, but when. Patience is a virtue when it comes to intercountry adoption." We're in the midst of doing our online Intercountry Adoption Training, and the above statements pretty much sum up the theme of the last module. Well, maybe it wasn't the theme, but it was one of those things you know....you see it in writing....and you finally settle into it as (short of a string of miracles) what's ahead. You take another deep breath and realize that from what you've experienced thus far, it really must be true. Then you remind yourself of one of your family mottoes: we don't do what's easy, we do what's right. In other news, we're getting ready for the Fall Rummage Sale ~ October 20th. Looking forward to actually having a spare room once again (after we get all the sale stuff out) and hopefully raising some more $ for the adoption fund. This time around the kiddos are doing a Coffee and Cookie Table. If you're interested in baking a batch of cookies for em', let me know! And, yes, the coffee will be self-serve! Also, the t-shirts will be here within a week. Looking forward to getting those in the hands of all who purchased one. Thank you, again!!!! I bought one of the Simply Love shirts before we ever even started the adoption process, and it's my favorite ~ for multiple reasons! Last thing...would love for you to consider these: 1. Orphan Sunday 2. Wrapping Around Adoptive Families Consider #1, Orphan Sunday, simply because awareness is where it all begins. As for #2, one of my best friends is foster/adopting {they began the adoption process some months after we did and have already added two children to their family of four in an incredible-only-God-coulda-done-it-whirlwind-of-a-story} . She and her family are living one of those not-so-white-washed-stories I wrote about previously. By the grace of God and their dependence on Him, I witness them making progress week after week. Watching their family has made me even more sure of the need of "wrapping around adoptive families". It is a way any/everyone can be involved in orphan care. Now, here's a peek at a few peices of "inventory" for our Rummage Sale! I've been reading lately. I've read quite a bit about adoption {shocking, I know}.
I've read things from people in the throngs of all that comes with bringing their adoptive children home, people stewing over whether or not they should take the first steps to begin the process, people who are in the midst of fundraiser after fundraiser trying to do everything they can to get that "fundraiser thermometer" to climb, people who are on the referral list and on edge daily waiting for that call or email, people who are deep-breathing over the pending interviews and home inspection...people in every stage of this thing we call the "adoption journey". One thing I've found again and again is confirmation. I've found that it's not just us, but this adoption thing is hard. H.a.r.d. Hard. Every part, every stage brings its challenges and distresses in some form. International. Domestic. Infant. Toddler. Older children. Sibling groups. There is no escaping the hard parts for most families. We have a child with Autism. We know lots of other families who have children on the spectrum. Yet, we all have a very different picture from one another even though each family unit is affected by the same disability. Most families I know, despite the differences, have all experienced very similar pain, grief, confusion, and heartbreak at one time or other. My assumptions regarding adoption are much the same. Clear differences. Common themes. I'm finding it to be true as I read. I watch one person's honesty minister to the heart of another time and time again as they share their adoption journey ~ the realities some are afraid to share. While they vary, one thing they share is the h.a.r.d. stuff: *This waiting without any information is very painful and I even struggled with several very depressing days. It is emotionally draining to have your heart half-way around the world. *There is a popular saying that 'No news is good news.' While I can see how that would be true in many situations, when it comes to adoption, no news is not good news most of the time. *It wasn't until about a year ago that I truly began enjoying being a momma on a consistent basis. Before that, it felt like a ton of work. With sprinkles of rainbows thrown in to give me hope. *We did the very best we could in order to prepare for the worst, even while optimistically thinking that our “worst”wouldn’t be as bad as all that, and we would strategically use our preparedness to plough through the difficult phase and then we would be fine. We read books, talked to other adoptive families and counselors, and did on-line research. Our extended family was supportive. But it was way harder than we expected. I cannot look back over the collection of heartbreaks that we’ve accumulated in the past four years without feeling like I’ve been walloped in the stomach with a fence post. It makes my head spin and sucks the breath right out of my body. The storm has blown in and it has been stronger and more violent than we ever imagined it could be. *…beyond the adorable smiles and sweet photos, we are in the trenches. Many times there are emotional reactions that seem extreme. While we know he’s safe and that food is available, he does not always know that. While we know he can sleep peacefully and doesn’t need to be awake, he does not. I’m battling with exhaustion I am empty. I am dry. I am emotionally drained and now unsure how to refill. *And another truth--it doesn't always get easier. And love can be a LONG process. And those stages??? They keep happening. Over and over again. We're nine years down the road of international adoption. And my heart keeps getting ripped out just like it did the day we stood in court and told a judge we'd love that boy better and forever. Is it worth it? Absolutely. *There is screaming, kicking, hysterical hysterics. There is wailing and tantrums and full-out meltdowns. This is sorrow and loss and fear and trauma; it is visceral. It is devastating. You and your spouse are haunted, unshowered, unhinged, unmoored. You stare into each other’s eyes, begging the other one to fix this: What have we done? What are we doing? What are we going to do? *...don't feel like you've failed or you're starting all over if in another six months, you suddenly find yourself wrestling a screaming kid for two hours again-- you aren't starting over. You've made progress! Everyone has. But kids that endured YEARS of suffering/abuse/neglect/poverty/whatever It was will also take YEARS to heal... ~ M {to be continued...} Roll - A - Miro.
It's a drawing game. The roll of the dice determines how to draw the body shape, head shape, nose, etc. B brings me this drawing. Yes, there is the "?", but there is also clearly a 5th member of our family. This journey is as much theirs as it is ours. Thus far, there is no face, no name, no real time-frame. Yet, they have a brother. They cannot touch him or laugh with him or climb up into the treehouse with him. Yet, they make plans of the things they want to show him and teach him. They have no means of communicating with him. Yet, they talk to God about him as if he were already here. They wait with us and experience the intensity of the preparations required of us. Yet, they do so with joy and patience knowing it is all to bring their brother home. Without a doubt...."Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from Him." ~M Yes, I'm one of those people who have trouble answering those "Always True", "Somewhat True", "Never True" questionnaires.
And, yes, I'm one of those people who can check A, B, C, or D to the question you've asked me but that also really needs and extra sheet of paper so that I can further explain! And as a matter of fact, I am finding out that I am one of those people who think the paperwork that accompanies the adoption process can be a bit intimidating. The process, including the paperwork, really does put one 'under the microscope'. Sure, it's hard to lay bare your life (health issues, budgets and finances, parenting skills, etc.) in detail like you've never had to do before and allow scrutiny and intense analysis....However, it is, without question, necessary. But it's not all bad...really! There's something of significant value to having to put words to things you might not otherwise ever take the time to do. I don't think I'd ever decide to write about my life in the way that the detailed autobiographies we have to write will require me to do. We've already had to put thought and pencil to things like... How do you deal with sin in your life? Reasons for adopting What do you believe a person is to do to grow spiritually? Our personal testimonies ...just to name a few... And today, even, I had to start attempting to put into words my philosophy regarding the spiritual training of my children.... (an excerpt) "It is all about discipleship. As I follow Christ and seek to obediently live as He lived, I share that with my children....While it is my goal to teach and train my children thoughtfully and deliberately to the glory of God, I also realize my personal relationship with Christ is one of the keys to my children be brought up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord....The ideas and values that rule our lives as parents will have a profound impact on our children... I believe that we as parents are on assignment from God to teach and train the children He has entrusted to us. The results of that assignment can potentially affect many, many lives." While I'm only beginning to flesh that one out onto paper, it has been helpful. I'm defining my mission as a parent and soon it will be on paper...almost as a reference or a reminder when I need it ~ something to measure myself against and to help me keep my eyes on the big picture. In all sincerity, it is a tremendous amount of work. I believe God is simply being gracious and giving me a positive perspective on it. I feel the same way about writing my testimony and the other personal topics we've already had to write about (as well as those to come) and even all the health and financial hoo-hah. They're each like a sticky note with intensity. Reminders of where we've been, of His mercy and grace, of our hearts, of the moments that led us to begin this journey, of the things we need to work on and so on. See, I couldn't come up with those positives, so it's got to be from God! That's not to say that next week I won't be buried under a pile of ripped-out, snowball-shaped pieces of notebook paper and locks of my brown hair in my hands that I've yanked out! Thankfully my sweet husband and closest girlfriends are the kind who will just pull what's left of my hair into a ponytail, start picking up the piles of paper, put a pencil back into my hand, coddle me for a minute or two, and then say "Now, WRITE!".... ~M My friend and I were sitting on a tree stump, watching our kids play together, and having a heart to heart. While we were talking, she reminded me of times over the years when she recalled me alluding to or clearly stating that I wouldn’t be having any more children. She remembered a particular time so clearly that she could even recall where I was standing.
Oh, I knew she was right. For years I’ve said that our two boys were all we would have. The first couple of years after our oldest son was diagnosed with Autism seemed to make that even more apparent for us. We felt we were giving all we had and were stretched thin. Of course, it has never been within our own ability to face the many challenges of parenting the two intelligent, energetic boys we have. It’s always had to be Christ in us. During the moments we’ve forgotten that fact, the insanity quickly reminds us! Even now, as I look back I am reminded of Proverbs 16:9: “In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.” You won’t have to look hard at our little family of four to find big faults, several shortcomings, and a multitude of imperfections. But one thing you will hopefully also find is hearts that long to live “in a manner worthy of the gospel”, extend “the ministry of reconciliation”, and to “go and make disciples”. We’ve certainly missed the mark time and time again, but at our core, it is who we endeavor to be. In seeking to consistently make our family available to God, we’ve often gone in directions we did not expect. Most recently, over the past few years, God has brought some common themes to our attention with a new urgency and intensity that would once again take us in a new direction… “From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded…” (Luke 12:48) “For the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the LORD, as the waters cover the sea.” (Habakkuk 2:14) “He did this so that all the peoples of the earth might know that the hand of the LORD is powerful and so that you might always fear the LORD your God.” (Joshua 4:24) “Learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.” (Isaiah 1:17) “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” (James 1:27) “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.” (James 1:22) From these truths, some specifics began to emerge. One thing (of many) that has become clear is God’s love for all people created in His image, His concern for the fatherless, and His charge to care for them. Over time, in different ways, the Holy Spirit made clear that adoption was a direction in which God was leading us, so we began to pray more and more for God’s confirmation. While I trust that God will continue to guide us in these truths in more specific, tangible ways, this is where He has chosen to lead us for now. This is only one chapter in God’s story for our family, and I find confidence in knowing He orchestrated it all and that He will be with us through each step along the journey. Through this process, I pray that God will use it to make Himself known. It has become clear to me over the past year that adoption is a living-breathing picture of the Gospel. Ephesians 2 and Galatians 4 speak of God’s great love and how He brought us out of our detrimental state and into His family through the blood of Christ. I long to see that very thing come from this adoption process: the Gospel demonstrated! |