It may be stupid, but it is the truth nonetheless. This "Bison Booties" status of all things is what finally tipped my apple cart upside down today...
I set the day aside for fasting and praying. I am desperate to hear from God in terms of our next move with the adoption. And, of course, it has been one of those days where homeschool and cleaning and the baby and the laundry and the arguing brothers and all the other things that demanded my attention had me sitting on the edge of a tearful cliff. I didn't want to cry because I was sad or mad and hurt. It's just that it seemed like my body had been insisting on doing so for most of the day thinking it would bring some kind of relief.

It was wrong.

The Bison Booties status took my be surprise and kinda ripped out my heart. I am so happy for whoever SarahKayHoffman is and her precious family! Yet, I felt a little self-centered pain.
Here we are two years into this...
...and no matter what we decide, it is going to feel like starting over.
I keep trying to turn that into a positive.
However, today, all I could do was hang my head at my own "unfilled booties" and the fact that they will remain so for quite some time....

Persistent.
Like a quiet pounding, over and over.
Deliberate and methodical.
Personal.
A punch in the gut.
...that is how it feels tonight.

"For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens..." (from Eph. 6)

Angry tears got me out of bed. I asked God for help.
Moments surface when you absorb how much deeper and wider it all is.
It's a battle and the attack has remained steady from the onset of all of this.
The details are too much and wouldn't seem like 'much' to some.

Can't explain it all.
It's real, this battle we live in.
Sometimes it's forgotten.
"There is a dark,  diabolical,  devious warfare going on all around us.  It is permeated with sabotage,  subversion,  innuendo,  snipping.  It is a deadly war.  It is a war between light and darkness,  good and evil,  heaven and hell,  Christ and Satan.  Whether you realize it or not you are a part of this warfare.  You cannot afford to be ignorant and you cannot possibly be neutral."
~Adrian Rogers

Alone and quiet now.
Angry tears replaced with determination.
Sword of the Spirit drawn because it's all I know to do.
Waiting on Him.
"Because of Your strength will I wait upon You: for God is my defense." Psalm 59:9


~M