"Waiting is an art that our impatient age has forgotten. It wants to break open the ripe fruit when it has hardly finished planting the shoot. But all too often the greedy eyes are only deceived; the fruit that seemed so precious is still green on the inside, and disrespectful hands ungratefully toss aside what has so disappointed them. Whoever does not know the austere blessedness of waiting - that is, of hopefully doing without - will never experience the full blessing of fulfillment…" ~Dietrich Bonhoeffer
We prayed and talked and wondered and "waited".
"The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him." Lamentations 3:25
I've been looking through old emails.
They've reminded me of how long we've "waited".
Finally, in the Fall of 2011, when it all became overwhelmingly clear, and we began to feel more certain that this was indeed where God was leading us, I asked a few to pray and "wait" with us.
While, in our hearts it has been much longer, our family is now officially more than one year into this process. Our contract with Lifeline was signed in February of 2012.
We've been "waiting" for a year.
Last month, we were officially put on the "waiting list".
"Waiting" and international adoption go hand in hand.
You will not be hard pressed to find mothers sharing the near agony of "The Wait".
The wait in which months linger on into years.
A gestation period uncommon to most.
For me...
There are times in which I look the situation straight in the eyes {the reality of it: the numbers, the faces, these little ones created in His image} and the urgency envelops me.
Moments arise in which I feel the gale of time and distance sweep over me and nearly suffocate me.
I sometimes see a silhouette of this face and this child, and I become emphatic about trampling everything between us and him.
But then...
There are times in which I feel God sitting me down in this extraordinary kind of grace that allows a mother to wait an extraordinary amount of time for her child, and I realize I wouldn't want to miss this extraordinary time of intimacy with Him.
Moments arise in which my eyes are opened to something He has wisely and tenderly slipped into place that will gird us up for the harder parts of this journey. {You know, for when the real challenges begin: after we're back home with him and finally being grafted together as a family.}
I sometimes find myself uncharacteristically patient as I catch a glimpse of the invaluable, preparatory work, so intricate at times, that He is doing in and through each of the four of us.
"From ancient times no one has heard, no one has listened, no eye has seen any God except You, who acts on behalf of the one who waits for Him." Isaiah 64:4
It's an internal battle.
It is a desperate pursuit of what you believe to be after God's heart colliding with delays and hurdles and walls and mountains.
A delicate balance exists of following God into what seems like a desperate situation that requires immediate action, only to find the action He positions you for is to wait.
And so, we wait.
We hope for the "austere blessedness of waiting" to be our reality and to outweigh all that is counter to it. In doing so, we wait and anticipate that which Bonhoeffer writes about: "the full blessing of fulfillment".
We prayed and talked and wondered and "waited".
"The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him." Lamentations 3:25
I've been looking through old emails.
They've reminded me of how long we've "waited".
Finally, in the Fall of 2011, when it all became overwhelmingly clear, and we began to feel more certain that this was indeed where God was leading us, I asked a few to pray and "wait" with us.
While, in our hearts it has been much longer, our family is now officially more than one year into this process. Our contract with Lifeline was signed in February of 2012.
We've been "waiting" for a year.
Last month, we were officially put on the "waiting list".
"Waiting" and international adoption go hand in hand.
You will not be hard pressed to find mothers sharing the near agony of "The Wait".
The wait in which months linger on into years.
A gestation period uncommon to most.
For me...
There are times in which I look the situation straight in the eyes {the reality of it: the numbers, the faces, these little ones created in His image} and the urgency envelops me.
Moments arise in which I feel the gale of time and distance sweep over me and nearly suffocate me.
I sometimes see a silhouette of this face and this child, and I become emphatic about trampling everything between us and him.
But then...
There are times in which I feel God sitting me down in this extraordinary kind of grace that allows a mother to wait an extraordinary amount of time for her child, and I realize I wouldn't want to miss this extraordinary time of intimacy with Him.
Moments arise in which my eyes are opened to something He has wisely and tenderly slipped into place that will gird us up for the harder parts of this journey. {You know, for when the real challenges begin: after we're back home with him and finally being grafted together as a family.}
I sometimes find myself uncharacteristically patient as I catch a glimpse of the invaluable, preparatory work, so intricate at times, that He is doing in and through each of the four of us.
"From ancient times no one has heard, no one has listened, no eye has seen any God except You, who acts on behalf of the one who waits for Him." Isaiah 64:4
It's an internal battle.
It is a desperate pursuit of what you believe to be after God's heart colliding with delays and hurdles and walls and mountains.
A delicate balance exists of following God into what seems like a desperate situation that requires immediate action, only to find the action He positions you for is to wait.
And so, we wait.
We hope for the "austere blessedness of waiting" to be our reality and to outweigh all that is counter to it. In doing so, we wait and anticipate that which Bonhoeffer writes about: "the full blessing of fulfillment".