It was New Years' Eve.
We'd been gone all day and got home mid-afternoon.
We pulled up to the mailbox before turning into the driveway.
The mail was passed to me.
I flipped casually through it, almost forgetting that I was "waiting" for anything.
There it was.
U.S. Department of Homeland Security.
I kept my exterior calm and didn't say a word to the rest of them.
My fingers slipped through the envelope.
My breath was held.
My arms were trembling.
Really, what better way to start the New Year than to get the awaited "approval letter"!?!?!
To get put on the Waiting List....{the 12 month waiting list}
To start the next leg of this journey.
My heart caught in my throat as I scanned the paper.
Not.an.approval.letter.
Hence, the heart in my throat ripped a little.
Rather, {without getting into all the USCIS details} it was a gather-more-paperwork-get-your-Home-Study-ammended-and-wait-some-more-AND-since-it-came-on-New-Years-Eve-you-even-have-to-wait-36-hours-before-anyone-can-even-explain-it-to-you letter.
Before anyone at our agency would even get the chance to give me more details, it....
All of it....all of the words on those two pages simply read to me as "more waiting".
The connection to a child you've never met is simply, in my opinion, a work of the Holy Spirit.
When delays and set-backs arise, it's personal.
It's not just a time-frame that gets adjusted.
It's much more.
Yes, I know this is all part of it.
Yes, I know:
"No matter how smoothly an intercountry adoption seems to be proceeding, there will be some delays. It is inevitable – not a matter of if, but when. Patience is a virtue when it comes to intercountry adoption."
Yes, I know it will happen again and again before this is all over.
But, yes, it does hurt. Very much.
I sat alone in my room.
I cried.
I wanted to know why the oversight had been allowed.
I wanted to not be so hurt by it.
Christopher {as is the norm} brought to light proper perspective.
Whether or not it felt right, he was exactly right.
I woke up today ready to hit all of it head on.
I did.
However, now I feel like someone has taken a pot of scolding hot coffee and poured it over my brain....
Ran it through a meat grinder...
Shook it on one of those thingys that shakes the loose stuff outta the tree at the Christmas Tree Farm...
Took it on one of those amusement park rides called the Zipper...
Tied it to a rope attached to a billy goat's collar, and let him it pull it around all the live long day...
And finally just thumped it for good measure.
Interesting way to start of the New Year, huh!?!?!
:)
~ M
We'd been gone all day and got home mid-afternoon.
We pulled up to the mailbox before turning into the driveway.
The mail was passed to me.
I flipped casually through it, almost forgetting that I was "waiting" for anything.
There it was.
U.S. Department of Homeland Security.
I kept my exterior calm and didn't say a word to the rest of them.
My fingers slipped through the envelope.
My breath was held.
My arms were trembling.
Really, what better way to start the New Year than to get the awaited "approval letter"!?!?!
To get put on the Waiting List....{the 12 month waiting list}
To start the next leg of this journey.
My heart caught in my throat as I scanned the paper.
Not.an.approval.letter.
Hence, the heart in my throat ripped a little.
Rather, {without getting into all the USCIS details} it was a gather-more-paperwork-get-your-Home-Study-ammended-and-wait-some-more-AND-since-it-came-on-New-Years-Eve-you-even-have-to-wait-36-hours-before-anyone-can-even-explain-it-to-you letter.
Before anyone at our agency would even get the chance to give me more details, it....
All of it....all of the words on those two pages simply read to me as "more waiting".
The connection to a child you've never met is simply, in my opinion, a work of the Holy Spirit.
When delays and set-backs arise, it's personal.
It's not just a time-frame that gets adjusted.
It's much more.
Yes, I know this is all part of it.
Yes, I know:
"No matter how smoothly an intercountry adoption seems to be proceeding, there will be some delays. It is inevitable – not a matter of if, but when. Patience is a virtue when it comes to intercountry adoption."
Yes, I know it will happen again and again before this is all over.
But, yes, it does hurt. Very much.
I sat alone in my room.
I cried.
I wanted to know why the oversight had been allowed.
I wanted to not be so hurt by it.
Christopher {as is the norm} brought to light proper perspective.
Whether or not it felt right, he was exactly right.
I woke up today ready to hit all of it head on.
I did.
However, now I feel like someone has taken a pot of scolding hot coffee and poured it over my brain....
Ran it through a meat grinder...
Shook it on one of those thingys that shakes the loose stuff outta the tree at the Christmas Tree Farm...
Took it on one of those amusement park rides called the Zipper...
Tied it to a rope attached to a billy goat's collar, and let him it pull it around all the live long day...
And finally just thumped it for good measure.
Interesting way to start of the New Year, huh!?!?!
:)
~ M