The pregnancy fatigue and nausea have just about taken over everything around here. It wasn't like this with either of the boys, so we didn't anticipate it.
It has certainly been somewhat of a distraction from things. While it had tempered our intensity in regard to "the wait" for our other son, our monthly update for June from our adoption agency brought it all back into focus.
We have only moved up one notch on The List since our names were put on it in January. We've been informed that the only reason for that movement was because another family was able to travel to Uganda for an older pre-identified child, not because a referral had been made.
It's hard to explain to others why we're in this stall pattern when you are grasping to "get it" yourself. While there are always factors in countries involved in international adoption that contribute to delays, it seems that they're often different from one country to the next and extremely complex. There's no cookie-cutter explanation, nor is there ever a cookie-cutter solution. It is true when people warn you that this process is not for the languid or faint of heart.
You would not be hard-pressed to find information about different countries and their reasons for increased "wait times" or delays. For Uganda, there are issues contributing to delays regarding adoption and legal guardianship, concern over post-adoption issues, involvement of
birth parents, adult siblings and extended family relating to finalizing adoptions, new judges rotating into the family court system whose stance on legal guardianship and adoption is currently unknown, and orphanages slowing the process to make certain referrals are of lawfully adoptable children (you will easily find the topic of adoption ethics being discussed in the 'international adoption world' right now).
Regardless of opinions on these matters, the reality is that they are issues that affect this process.
As I thought about it today, I started trying to wrap my head around it.
I quickly stopped.
It would have been futile.
I realize that there are so many facets to this process, so many entities and people and procedures involved that I cannot begin to comprehend all of the details of these issues. And, often, for a moment or two, I forget that more than any of that other stuff, this is a spiritual matter. Over and over again, I'm reminded of Russell Moore's words: "Orphan care isn't charity; it's spiritual warfare."
Also, I remember one of the first orphan care books I read that said, "Have you ever wondered why there are so many fatherless children in the world? This is a spiritual matter. The world is not as it should be because of the fall. And why is it so hard to adopt? Could it be that there are spiritual forces involved? We aren't just dealing with ineffective governmental systems, we are engaging in spiritual war. You will face numerous trials in the adoption and orphan care journey, both in country and out of country." (from Orphanology)
It's true that I'm currently a bit more emotional (with the increased levels of my companions progesterone and estrogen), and my head is a bit more cloudy than usual. I know I could easily get lost in all of this. Distraught even. However, I am managing to not fixate on all the complexities and frustrations and questions, and I know what to do:
"I hope in God, I pray on..."
~ George Mueller