No, you can't learn everything from books, but you can certainly learn a lot. Even before B was officially diagnosed with Autism, I read every book I could get my hands on about the subject. Of course, I had to learn how to "eat the fish, spit out the bones" ~ even when it was written by "experts". That same principle holds true for adoption reading material!
I've read my fair share of adoption books, articles, blogs, etc., which I started back in 2011 before we even began the process. Thankfully, we also have an incredible adoption agency that is doing their best to equip us for the things that lie ahead for our family by giving us several educational requirements to work through (books, online classes, seminars, etc.).
As we get closer, things also get more specific. It's not simply about "adoption", but now we're reading about international adoption, transracial adoption, and even most recently, I picked up a book from the library on toddler adoption. I really think taking some of the highlights from many of the resources we've been through would benefit family members and close friends of adoptive families. {Maybe in all my spare time, I'll put that together! Haha!}
Here are a few bits from my latest read, Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft...
*Adoption simply represents another mysterious life change in a series of confusing changes in environment, food, schedules, expectations, and caregivers.
*Most people who are contemplating an adoption fantasize about the moment of their meeting face to face. They probably envision gazing into each other's eyes; theirs filled with tears of joy. Their son reaches out as they enfold him in their arms. Time stands still while parents and child instantly bond. Whatever a person's particular variations on this happy scene, it probably doesn't involve a child who totally ignores adults, violently rejects them, or screams in terror at the sight of them. Yet, according to parents we've interviewed, that is a typical reaction of a toddler....
*Parents of adopted toddlers must be resilient enough themselves to understand rejection while simultaneously focusing on attaching with their child even when it appears that attachment is not reciprocated.
*Over 75% of the parents who were interviewed reported that their adopted toddlers initially acted out in rage and aggression for beyond typical temper tantrums and willfulness.
*The toddler with attachment problems displays an extreme fear of not being in control and has an excessively hostile reaction to being out of control.
*The emotional energy required to parent any toddler is great, but the emotional energy required to parent a newly adopted toddler is enormous.
*Children who move from institutional care to a family and those who are adopted internationally typically experience the greatest culture shock after arrival.
*Close friends and family members need to be prepared for the special needs of toddlers who are grieving and/or have attachment problems. Be realist and respect their needs while remaining open to various forms of support.
*A toddler who has experienced a strong attachment to one or more former caregivers will grieve the loss of those relationships.
*Unfortunately, many people believe that toddlers are incapable of realizing loss and experiencing acute grief because of their unsophisticated stage of language and cognitive development.
*The vast majority of the adopted toddlers in families who shared their stories with me experienced sleep problems. While most acute during the first days, weeks, and month following placement, some children experienced years of night terrors and other sleep problems.
*Some toddlers may not display attachment behavior toward them for months, or, in some cases, for years after adoption. This can be very painful to the new parent who immediately expects reciprocated love.
*Attachment problems, caused by a variety of circumstances typical to institutionalized children...are very common in toddler adoptions.
*Adopted toddlers may form a bond with a sibling before they show any attachment behavior toward Mom or Dad.
I've read my fair share of adoption books, articles, blogs, etc., which I started back in 2011 before we even began the process. Thankfully, we also have an incredible adoption agency that is doing their best to equip us for the things that lie ahead for our family by giving us several educational requirements to work through (books, online classes, seminars, etc.).
As we get closer, things also get more specific. It's not simply about "adoption", but now we're reading about international adoption, transracial adoption, and even most recently, I picked up a book from the library on toddler adoption. I really think taking some of the highlights from many of the resources we've been through would benefit family members and close friends of adoptive families. {Maybe in all my spare time, I'll put that together! Haha!}
Here are a few bits from my latest read, Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft...
*Adoption simply represents another mysterious life change in a series of confusing changes in environment, food, schedules, expectations, and caregivers.
*Most people who are contemplating an adoption fantasize about the moment of their meeting face to face. They probably envision gazing into each other's eyes; theirs filled with tears of joy. Their son reaches out as they enfold him in their arms. Time stands still while parents and child instantly bond. Whatever a person's particular variations on this happy scene, it probably doesn't involve a child who totally ignores adults, violently rejects them, or screams in terror at the sight of them. Yet, according to parents we've interviewed, that is a typical reaction of a toddler....
*Parents of adopted toddlers must be resilient enough themselves to understand rejection while simultaneously focusing on attaching with their child even when it appears that attachment is not reciprocated.
*Over 75% of the parents who were interviewed reported that their adopted toddlers initially acted out in rage and aggression for beyond typical temper tantrums and willfulness.
*The toddler with attachment problems displays an extreme fear of not being in control and has an excessively hostile reaction to being out of control.
*The emotional energy required to parent any toddler is great, but the emotional energy required to parent a newly adopted toddler is enormous.
*Children who move from institutional care to a family and those who are adopted internationally typically experience the greatest culture shock after arrival.
*Close friends and family members need to be prepared for the special needs of toddlers who are grieving and/or have attachment problems. Be realist and respect their needs while remaining open to various forms of support.
*A toddler who has experienced a strong attachment to one or more former caregivers will grieve the loss of those relationships.
*Unfortunately, many people believe that toddlers are incapable of realizing loss and experiencing acute grief because of their unsophisticated stage of language and cognitive development.
*The vast majority of the adopted toddlers in families who shared their stories with me experienced sleep problems. While most acute during the first days, weeks, and month following placement, some children experienced years of night terrors and other sleep problems.
*Some toddlers may not display attachment behavior toward them for months, or, in some cases, for years after adoption. This can be very painful to the new parent who immediately expects reciprocated love.
*Attachment problems, caused by a variety of circumstances typical to institutionalized children...are very common in toddler adoptions.
*Adopted toddlers may form a bond with a sibling before they show any attachment behavior toward Mom or Dad.